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Horse sports are notorious for their highs and lows. Despite our efforts to bring our best selves to the saddles every day, things do not always go as planned, especially when adding a 1000 lbs animal to the equation. Every equestrian understands the frustration of a ride that goes pear-shaped, those days when nothing seems to go your way and your horse is suddenly green again.
However, the key to managing these days and setting your horse up for success in the future is to avoid getting frustrated. Feelings of anger, stress, and upset affect both us and our horses negatively. Sensitive equines can often sense our emotions, and frustration can frazzle them and make them perform even worse for us. The key to being a good rider, trainer, and horseperson is to learn how to control our emotions for when, not if, these annoying days inevitably occur.
Why things go wrong
Rest assured every horse owner knows the feeling. You go out for a ride only to find you can't see a stride, keep knocking barrels, or feel unsteady in the saddle. No matter how practiced or naturally talented, everyone has off days. The phenomenon is so often experienced in pro baseball there is a term for it: "The Yips."
There are numerous physical mental, and emotional reasons for having an off day. The culprits behind your reduced performance in the saddle can be anything from:
Lack of sleep or being overly tired
Stress carried over from work or life
Low blood sugar
Emotional drainage
Having tired or sore muscles
Being distracted
However, horseback riding is a unique sport in the sense that there is also a horse involved, a 1000 lbs animal with a mind and emotions of its own. Even if you show up to your ride rested, fed, and ready to work, your horse can still throw off your game. Equestrians don't only have to deal with themselves, but their equine athletes as well. Our horses are just as likely to have an off day and might just not be able to perform on par. Just like humans, horses can be:
Tired
Cranky
Hungry
Thirsty
Sick
Nervous
Distracted
Sore or tense
Our horses cannot tell us how they feel, so it is important to be in tune with their mood and know how much you can push them on a given day.
REMEMBER: Never punish the horse
When you or your horse are having an off day, it can be very frustrating. And while it may feel right at the time to get upset, demand more from your horse, use force to get what you want, or punish them, those are NEVER the answer. Riders who give into their anger will only spoil their horses, making them less trusting and less likely to perform in the future. Horses have adept memories for unpleasant events, so all it takes is one bad ride to dampen your relationship with your horse.
As riders, we should always have empathy for our horses. After all, we do not know if they could be tired or sick. Maybe their tack is pinching somewhere or they are sore or have an injury. Horses are hardwired not to show pain so it can be hard to know if something mild is bothering them.
Another thing to keep in mind is a horse's extraordinary senses which are fine-tuned to their environment. Just because everything seems normal to you doesn't mean your horse doesn't hear or smell something that is putting them on edge. Certain weather conditions, like windy days with lots of branches blowing around, can trigger a fear response or make them more distractable than usual.
Always keep your horse's unique circumstances in mind as you push through off days. Have empathy for your horse. Respect their off day. And never punish them for underperformance.
5 ways to avoid frustration when things go wrong
Even when our best intentions tell us otherwise, it is normal to get frustrated when things don't go our way. The key is having the right system in place so you can prevent your anger from getting the better of you. These five steps can help you get your emotions in check so you can get back on track.
1. Name the emotions you feel
It is easy to allow ourselves to become consumed by strong reactions. However, something as simple as taking a moment to acknowledge how you feel can take the power away from your emotions.
Do this by pausing for a moment and naming your feelings out loud or in your head. Are you tense? Frustrated? Nervous? Angry? Disappointed? Taking the time to label how you feel can help put your emotions in perspective and give you a moment to cool down.
2. Don't take it personally
When things start going pear-shaped in a ride, oftentimes, our first instinct as humans is to blame something for the mishap. When riding, our horses can fall victim to that tendency. However, it is important to take a logical approach to the ride and remember horses can only do what they are taught and told properly. They do not have the brain processes necessary to act out of spite or vengeance. They are not acting out to "get back at you" and odds are, in reality, they are confused or sore and unable to perform.
If you feel your ride is not going to plan, take a step back and evaluate yourself. Are you demanding too much? Are you asking clearly and consistently? Has your horse successfully completed the maneuver in the past? Remember, even if your horse is capable of performing they can still be stiff, sore, or under the weather that day. Always have empathy for your equine partner.
3. Look at what is happening through a positive lens
A neat little part of our brain called the Reticular Activation System works as a gatekeeper to our conscious mind. As humans, we have the extraordinary ability to control some of what we think and feel. What this means for your riding is you can control how you feel and react to a certain event. When things start going wrong in our day, we can choose to feel negative and respond with anger, frustration, or stress. However, we can also choose to look through a positive lens and, instead of being consumed by negative emotions, we can feel joy, gratefulness, and peace despite everything going wrong around us.
Remember, horses are extremely sensitive creatures, they can sense when we feel off. So it is important to put our best foot forward for them, even if we are feeling off inside.
When things start going ary, don't let yourself get sucked into feeling disappointed or upset. Instead, think positively. Be thankful for the time you get to spend with your horse. It can be helpful to stay curious about why things are not going to plan. Try to use the experience to learn more about your horse and your own riding instead of thinking of it as merely a setback.
4. Work on something you know can be successful
When you just can't get something right, sometimes it is better to move on and give it a try the next day. Even though it can tempting to try to "push through it" and make it happen, this is bound to leave you and your horse feeling frustrated and unmotivated. Going back to an easier task will help keep you and your horse fresh, feeling good, and ending on a good note.
If what you are trying to accomplish just isn't working, try to take a step back and do something you know can be completed successfully. That might mean lowering the jumps, jogging a barrel pattern instead of loping, focusing on easy maneuvers, working on 20m circles, or going on a short trail ride around the property.
5. Put your bad ride in perspective
Equestrians put a lot of time, effort, and money into their horses. When things don't go to plan and you or your horse has an off day it can feel like all your hard work was in vain. However, do not let yourself dwell on a bad ride. Putting too much emphasis on what went wrong will only make you frustrated and worried about next time, making the problems more likely to reoccur.
Master showjumper John Smart in his book Showjumping had some good, practical advice to riders:
Each time you get in the saddle you do not have to be better than last time. Instead, look for a general trend of progress on a monthly or longer scale. As long as you and your horse are gradually improving at your own pace, you are on the path to success.
It can be helpful to write down each ride to help you track your progress. After each session, jot down what you did, what went well, and what you want to work on. This record is something you can look back on at the end of the month so you can see how far you have come.
Every equestrian understands the struggle of the off day. In a sport that is characterized by its highs and lows, it is not about how well you are able to perform each day but your dedication to your horsemanship that makes the difference.